This will hopefully challenge you a bit.
I might make a few people a little uneasy with this one. Understandable. The next few words I'm going to write are the harsh realities of todays world...but more importantly, they are the harsh realities of decisions we are unwilling to make. Why? Well, I believe because the moral philosophy of 'doing what is right, because it is the right thing to do' is fading off into the sunset with human dignity. Many times I have spoke publicly about this concept and every time, people are in complete agreement with me. Talk with me after I leave the stage, they speak with me about how they are always doing the right thing and society is all messed up. What is interesting is, I'll see these same people 3 or 6 months later and their lives are the same or worse. In seeking to find answers as to how they are doing with their 'taking responsibility' of their life, I hear most often than most, excuses. Excuses as to why nothing has changed, placing blame, once again, on the lack of time due to work, their spouse, bosses, traffic or lack of money and time. This is about the time I introduce people the concept of the 'Glass House'. Any analogy I'll explain later.
Know this, half of you that will read this blog will not like me afterwards, the other half, most likely won't like me, but you will respect my insight. You will make changes and understand my perspective.
So before you read the rest of this blog, I am going to ask each one of you to do me a favor. Check your ego at the door. If you start to get uneasy about what you are reading, ask yourself why, evaluate your emotion and realize, I am speaking from experience not from philosophy. I hope to encourage you to change you life, but with all growth, comes pain and struggle. If I have to be the pain in your behind that makes you change, then I've accomplished my goal. Remember, I want this blog to be a insight to growth and change. So, if you have any comments, I would be glad to advise you with any help I can.
"EVERYTHING YOU HAVE IN LIFE IS A DIRECT SUM RESULT OF EVERY ACTION OR CHOICE YOU HAVE MADE UP UNTIL THIS POINT."
The only reason people feel that life is hard is because they are judging a life that they are not controlling. If you held your choices in your own hand, I guarantee, you would make your life easy for yourself.
Let me explain.
If you woke up everyday, decided what you wanted to do, how much money you made, where you spent your time, how you served your community and any other important decision you would like to make for your day, I am pretty certain, many of you would have a day that looks totally different that most of of your days looked last week. You would wake up when your done sleeping, eat lunch with your kids at school, volunteer to help your kid's teachers, find a way to support your church or community better or maybe you would just sit around and do nothing. I don't know, but the point is, your day would definitely look totally different than your days last week.
You wake up when someone else tells you to, you drive to work at a time when someone else tells you to, you get paid an amount of money someone else tells you to, you stay at a job as long as someone tells you to, you arrive home later than you would like to and you put your kids to bed at an hour you wished you didn't have to. Now, the unfortunate situation that most of you are in, unfortunately, is your fault.
Now listen, this is true. I know many of you are seeking to find an example in your life right now to challenge this belief. Seeking to find an excuse as to why its NOT your fault. Listen to me, it is. More importantly, it needs to be.
Let me take it a step further by asking you this question, "do you want to change your situation? Do you want more money, more time or better health. Maybe a better relationship with your spouse or significant other, maybe your kids?" If you answer yes to any of those situations, watch this. Your brain will never start to provide a solution to these problems if your brain is told it cannot control the situation. This is where responsibility plays a role. Your brain does not come up with solutions to problems it is told its not facing or cannot face. So the longer you tell your brain, through excuses, that you are not desiring a solution because it is something or someone else's fault, it will never start to solve a problem.
Now, the moment you ask your brain a question, all it knows how to do is provide solutions. It will work non-stop to figure out a solution to a problem as long as you continue to let it and not shut it down on your own. So if you don't want to believe its your fault, you need to know why I say, it needs to be your fault.
Now, I understand, money and time are necessities that make the world go around. But, the question I have for you is, 'if your life is not spectacular, what are you doing differently to point yourself into a new direction?'
You see, the problem I have with todays society, is so many people complain about the struggles they are in, the issues that they have and the results that they either are or are not getting in life. But, when asked what they are doing about it, not one solution oriented answer comes out of their mouth, it's almost always blaming something or someone else for their lack of result.
If you don't believe me, put this to the test. Next time you are with a family member, friends, co-workers, whoever, it doesn't matter, but the moment they start to complain about anyone of these things, Time, Money or Health...reply with this very simple question,
"Well, why don't you have more ____? Isn't that your fault?"
I can predict the future. Take these odds to the lottery. Bet the farm. All on red baby! Guaranteed, these are the types of answers you will receive back.
"What do you mean it's my fault I don't have enough money, it's not my fault. I've been working for the same company for 15 years and have never received the right amount on my pay raise and they have cancelled the Christmas bonus every year! I can't get ahead!"
"I want to see my kids more, I can't. My boss won't let me out of work till after 6pm. By the time I get home, its after 7pm cause the traffic is so bad! I want to be there earlier, but it's not my fault!"
"My wife is so mad at me right now, but she doesn't understand. I'm way to tired when I get home, she doesn't even have to work, she is at home all day with the kids...seriously, why aren't the dishes done when I get home. I don't care, I'm not doing them. I'm not changing, she can stay mad."
I know this struck a nerve.
But I am here to tell you, I cannot count how many times statements like these came out of my mouth for years! Guilty, guilty, guilty.
So what's the point? The point, friends, is its time we start taking responsibility for our actions. The results you have in your life are a sum of all the actions and choices you have made up to this point, period. That simple. You want different results, make different choices.
Now I know, on paper it sounds easy to say. It is easy to say and much, much more difficult to act on. For those of you that are reading this and this is info you are hearing for the first time in your life...listen, I have been there.
I remember about 6 years ago, having this exact same 'ah-ha' moment in my life. To be honest, I struggled with the accuracy of these statements. It was hard to rid myself of the excuses. I wanted to hang on to them, use them, embrace them on a daily basis. Not doing so, would cause me to change who I was...then I realized, if I wanted to change my results, it was obvious I was going to have to change who I was. In the process of changing who I was, my beliefs and choices, I systematically change the results I would receive.
Let me explain something. Remember the mention of the 'Glass House'. This was a new concept to me. Something that I began to learn and apply in my life. Now for most people that start to go through this growth stage in their life, when they begin to realize, results that do not change over a certain period of time are impossible to explain with an excuse, because they are only obvious through your results.
For instance, early I talked about the person that hears this info, starts to understand and embrace new knowledge, but yet doesn't get the results desired. One of only 2 things are the cause, either A) they truly are getting a different result,maybe too small to see, so they just don't realize it and can realize the change with a little conversation to really evaluate their situation or B) they use an excuse because they are not making the choice to make the change. So really, they either are changing or they are not. There is no in between.
Now for the person that feels they are not seeing results but it is due to the changes being too subtle, you need to go read the book The Slight Edge or The Compound Effect. Either of these books will explain what is happening to you way better than I can. Let me give advice to this person, do not stop the process at this point. The slight changes you do not visually see are actually huge changes causing shifts in your life years from now. So do not judge you results too soon.
Now for the person that hears this info and chooses not to take responsibility to change their situation and instead in 3 to 6 months has every excuse in the book as to why it hasn't changed, let me speak to you for a second about the Glass House. You see the analogy of the glass house is this, you live in a glass house whether or not you like it our not. Everyone can see inside your life and see the choices you make even when you think you are alone in your home making decisions. Anyone that understand responsibility knows these things and has the ability to see right through your walls.
Don't believe me? It simple. Earlier I said, the results you have a sum of all the choices you have made of till this point in your life. Unfortunately for the doubter, this is a universal truth. The problem with a universal truth, is that is always stands true. So when someone says to me, I want to change my results, but 6 months later is in the same situation, yet fills their answers with excuses, tells me one thing, they didn't really want to change. Instead they wanted to watch t.v. and its just easy say they want to change. Or they really want to party in the evenings with their friends, just say they wanted to change but, this is not what they really want. Again, you brain will provide solutions to the problem that you give it.
The Glass House revels this. Because of your results, I can see whether or not you really are doing anything at all. If you say you want to change but have no growth over a period of time, you, my friend, are confused on what you really want. This is a whole other conversation. :)
Just as simple as reading a chapter or two in personal growth book will create change, it's impossible for it not to, your brain will receive new info, therefore will become programmed differently, hence changing the result in someway, even in a the slightest of changes.
So in closing, I want to challenge you on this, "what will you do differently?"
Even the slightest action in a new direction can change the result that you receive. If you want to change what you are getting, you must change what you are doing.